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Yoga Workshops

After you have participated in a few yoga classes, you might be motivated to try a yoga workshop or two. Yoga workshops are advertised in a variety of places, but are usually pushed in your local yoga studio, yoga magazine of choice, or late-night yoga infomercials. They typically have snappy names, which YogaDawg has conveniently arranged into the five most common yoga workshop categories.

 

Binds

The Blind Bind - Don't be blinded in your bind

The Unkind Bind - Is your bind unkind? Then get your behind in that bind!

The Entwined Bind - Advancing into the intertwined bind

The Rebind/Rewind Bind - How to rewind and rebind when lost in your bind

 

Bends

The Amended Bend - Amend your broken bend

The Downtrend Bend - Being realistic in your bends

The Pretend Bend - How to pretend a bend to impress your fellow students

The Transcend Bend - The bend as an aid to remembering things you need to pick up at the GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore

 

Twists

The Checklist Twist - Checklist your way into your twist

The Resist Twist - Don't resist your twist

The Dismissed Twist - Techniques to use when you want to kiss off the twist in your yoga class

The Missed Twist - Plan B for those vexing times

 

Sun Salutations

The Old Coot Sun Salute - Sun Salutes for seniors

The Dilute Sun Salute - Sun Salutes for weenies

The No Pollute Salute - Strategies to prevent burping, farting, and fainting during your Sun Salutes

 

Inversions

The Aversion Inversion - 101 excuses, by category, that you can use in your yoga class when you don't feel like doing an inversion

The Conversion Inversion - What to do when seeing God during an inversion

The Incursion Inversion - Actions to be taken when falling over in an inversion into your fellow yoga student

The Subversion Inversion - Hidden methods of falling over in inversion into that pretty babe on the mat next to you

The Perversion Inversion - Inversions that are not really inversions, nor yoga, but look damn good in a yoga class

These workshops have become popular due to the yoga star status of some of the workshop leaders. Be aware that they can be quite expensive. To help you make sense of all these workshops and save you a few bucks in the process, YogaDawg is here to breakdown and explain the types, levels, and costs of each. The chart below gives you a rough idea of the experience-to-cost ratio:

1. Local workshop with local teacher or studio owner - $

2. Local workshop with out-of-town teacher - $$

3. Out-of-town workshop with local teacher or studio owner - $$$

4. Out-of-town workshop with a yoga star -$$$$$$$$$

5. Yoga conference - $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

 

Local workshop with local teacher or studio owner:

This is the least expensive option. Essentially the same stuff is taught as in a regular class, but will cost twice as much. Skip these.

 

Local workshop with out-of-town teacher:

These are led by the unknown yoga Guru (see Yoga Teachers chapter) wanna-be's that are pushing their way into your yoga consciousness while they make their bid to become a yoga star. Expect to learn the same things you learned in your regular yoga classes, but also expect to pay three times the regular class fee for the privilege. On the other hand, there will be cool yoga babble talk, groovy postcards, and cheesy handouts during the workshop.

 

Out-of-town workshop with local teacher or studio owner:

This is a fun-filled trip with the yoga teacher and any student with enough ready cash to finance a trip, free for the teacher, to an exotic destination on your dime.

 

Out-of-town workshop with a yoga star:

Advertised in yoga magazines, on the Internet, and in flyers stuck to telephone poles, these are the bread and butter of the yoga world. Expect the same things you learn in regular yoga classes, but be prepared to have your wallet drained.

 

Yoga Conferences:

The crème de la crème of the yoga workshop world, these are yoga classes taught by a stable of yoga stars. You will be crowded into massive halls with your fellow yoga students, and you will have mortgaged your house to do so. In exchange for this, you get an autographed flyer, a chance to buy cool books, DVDs, clothing, and other paraphernalia from the yoga stars.

TIP: Bring a pair of binoculars, as you will have trouble seeing the yoga star.

BONUS TIP: Don't bathe. This may add additional inches to your space, as your fellow yoga students try to move away from you. If you are especially lucky, they may even pack up their mats and leave.

 

Other Workshops

Besides yoga-based instructional workshops, there are also other workshops that will be marketed through your local yoga studio that might be of interest to you. They are pushed by the beleaguered owners of the yoga studio, as they are quick to learn that there is money to be made on the periphery of the yoga world. Count on your favorite studios to offer workshops in:

Water divining

Molybdomancy

Aura balancing

Tarot reading

Trepanation

Sanskrit translation services

Myomancy

Crop circle interpretation

Alien abductees counseling

Ear candling

Speleotherapy

Renal/rectal philology

Colonic cleansing

Craniosacral therapy

Snake handling

 

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