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Yogatude

To become an advanced student of Yoga, you will eventually need to learn and maintain a proper “Yogatude.” This will require great effort on your part, especially if you are extroverted and friendly. With practice and deep observation of your fellow students, this should soon become second nature to you. You will then be able to utilize ‘tude’ in other important areas of your life such as office meetings, cocktail parties and other social settings.

So just what is “Yogatude?” Well, it’s a look. A sort of far away, distant gaze that you adapt whenever you go into a Yoga studio. Upon entering one, you must not smile. Always maintain a serious look on your face. You must not engage in polite conversation. You must be all Yoga business. Simply hand the receptionist your bulk Yoga class pass and quickly enter the studio. If asked a question at this point, give a quick glance and a nod of your head.

As you walk into the practice area, do not acknowledge or say anything to any student if one happens to be there. Additionally, don’t talk or look around while setting your mat up. Keep a centered look as if you possess great Yogic knowledge. With your “Yogatude” and a top of the line Yoga mat from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore, you might even have some of the students fooled into thinking that you indeed, possess great Yogic knowledge.

If you want to make your “Yogatude” even more effective, set up your mat as close to the teacher as possible. Though before rolling out your mat, place it next to the spot, kneel on it as you hold your hands in prayer position in front of your chest as if you are about to sanctify the area around your mat. Now close you eyes and start to murmur quietly in a whisper (do this with great solemnest for if you don’t there is always the danger that the other students will simply think that you are nuts). Feel free to murmur anything that comes to your mind, even something like, “I feel so lame, I feel so lame. I can’t believe Guru YogaDawg told me to do this. This is so lame”, just so long as it is low enough so the other students can’t hear what you are saying.

You can then roll out your mat, sit cross-legged on it and stare intensely ahead without moving except for an occasional bow of the head. Close your eyes every so often as if pondering a great transcendental thought. You must be on your guard though, as the teacher may try to engage you at some point. They will be friendly, maybe even crack a joke. But be strong and don't smile. Have fun with this as you know the teacher is simply vibing you. If you don’t break your Yogatude, the teacher may nod their head realizing that you are perhaps a great advanced Yogi and hand over the class to you (see the section “Faking it as a Yoga teacher” if this happens).

 

Yogatude

 

Yoga Book

 

Read the Yogatude portion its hilarious. - Catvari Blog

I love this! Clearly I have to work on my "Yogatude." - E-Sangha Buddhist Board

 


   

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