Yoga Students
The Old Fart
The Old Fart is in class because his doctor told him he will die soon unless he gets some exercise. His wife (see the Matriarch) tells him to take a yoga class even though he'd rather be smoking and drinking in the neighborhood bar. But because he knows his wife will kick his ass if she finds him there, he ventures into the studio. He also knows his buddies will kick his ass if they ever find out he's going to a yoga studio. The Old Fart knows that his life style is a disease, not a choice. He hates his wife and his doctor for making him do yoga.
As the Old Fart sets up his space, he has a dazed look on his face. This yoga stuff is already looking like a horror show to him. He does not know a mat or a pose from a hole in the ground and acts very uptight. Once class begins, he sweats and groans and farts a lot. He is lost and confused. The Old Fart thinks he is having a heart attack and spends most of class in the fetal position, or you might find him dead from a massive coronary.
Inner Dialog: Well this is stupid. I hate my wife. I hate my doctor. What the f%&$ am I doing here? What's with these stupid candles and shit. Well that statue is kind of cool. He looks like a fat slob like me. I can't figure out why he has that smile on his face though. How come there are only women here. Is this some fem thing? This whole yoga thing is kinda gay. Oh, she has a nice ass...humm. I can't stand this music they're playing. How come they don’t play any country music? What is that crap they're singing? Sounds like some kind of voodoo shit to me. Send all those foreigners back home. Oh shit, we're starting. Oh man, what do you mean bend over and touch my toes? I still get the willies when my doctor tells me to do that...this is BS! I'm sweaty. Wow, I really let loose with that fart...don't be looking at me like that. I need a f^&^&* beer...I need a smoke...I need to die now.
Next Student - The Matriarch
Yoga Students
