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The Eye  

The Eye comes to class not to do yoga, but to lurk and leer. He has read, most likely on the Internet, that yoga classes have lots of hot babes in them. In addition, yoga looks kind of easy—not like that Pilates class he went to because he heard there are lots of hot babes in it. The Eye collects EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine because he digs the yoga babes on the cover and especially in the ads. He is not sure what this yoga is about since he doesn't read the articles but sure loves the pictures.

You can spot the Eye by his tacky, lounge-lizard clothes: yoga cargo shorts with the button unfastened and a synthetic yoga shirt from K-Mart. He throws his mat down haphazardly and reeks of cheap cologne. The Eye will try to make small talk with the receptionist, if female; the students, if female; and the teacher, if female. He will attempt to touch you if you are female.

Rebuffed by all, the Eye lies down on his mat like he is at the beach. His water bottle contains a mixture of vodka and white lightning, which he drinks copiously. Then the Eye’s eyes start to wander. He checks out the yoga student babes and the yoga teacher babe. He thinks that this is even better than looking at the ads and cover of EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine. As the Eye’s eyes wander even more, he becomes unsteady, a bit dizzy, and might fall over.

 

Inner Dialog: Dig this. She's hot! Whoa, look at that one…dig those shorts… hot! Ooh no, check this one out to my left. I dig that shirt she's wearing…she's hot! Dear Lord, look at the ass on that one over there. I think I'm in love…was that a dirty look she just gave me? Oh man, oh man, oh man, check out the knockers on that one. Damn, it’s hard to concentrate on this yoga stuff. Wait, wait, is the teacher trying to get my attention? Yes, yes she is. Damn, she's a babe…she's hot! She’s saying something to me...roll up my mat? She’s asking me to follow her out of the class. Damn, she’s so impressed with my yogic abilities that she thinks I'm hot and wants to give me a private lesson. I love this yoga stuff! Wait, is that the door out of the studio she's showing me to? She’s opening the door. Wait, wait, what do you mean never come back here again? Hey, do I get my money back?

 

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