Yoga Students
The $1,000 Classer
The $1,000 Classer is easy to spot because of her yoga accoutrements. She usually falls into the yuppie or bobo (bourgeois bohemian) class. Her mat is made from all natural and organic materials, embedded with the grasses of the ancient plains of Tibet, hairs from the Indian rhino, peacock feathers, and droppings from the Monkey Temple in Jaipur (sanitized and de-odorized of course). She carries her mat in a designer mat bag patterned with images of yoga poses, seated Buddhas, and symbols of Shakti, Shiva, and Om. She wears designer-name yoga clothes made from a mixture of organic hemp and flax and sports nifty yoga headbands, wristbands, ankle bands, and sometimes waistbands. Don’t be surprised to see her also wearing cool matching yoga socks and gloves. The $1,000 Classer carries a bottle of water that is a true designer masterpiece. The bottle contains water melted from the polar ice cap, drilled miles beneath the surface of Antarctica.
The $1,000 Classer has so much fun buying this stuff that she also purchases a yearly, unlimited pass on the first day of class. The pass guarantees that the $1,000 Classer can strut around for a year in her new yoga getup. She salivates at all the cool yoga stuff she sees in the studio’s yoga shop; however, the $1,000 Classer will only attend one class as soon as she finds out that:
- Yoga is discipline.
- Yoga is work.
- Yoga is tiring.
- Yoga is sweaty and can make you smelly.
Inner Dialog: Oh this is so much fun. I got to spend all this time shopping for all this cool yoga stuff at the GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore and had a great time at the ShivaYoga Wine Bar there discussing yoga with my girlfriends. I felt so smart because they didn't know anything about yoga. I just happened to buy EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine, so I could tell them about all the great ads and everything. I can tell they were impressed because they let me ramble on about mats and clothes and lip-gloss and stuff and especially that Yoga Stud Muffin in every other ad.
Okay, good, here we go, class is starting. Ah ha, I see...stand up straight...okay, this doesn't seem so hard. Now bend over and touch my toes. Hum, can't seem to do that…oh well. Stand up straight...I definitely have that down. A lunge? Okay, so I fell over, no big deal. Do a yogic push up? You’ve got to be kidding. Lower down and do a cobra? What the heck does this have to do with yoga?! Do the dog? What is this, a kennel? Is anyone noticing my nifty yoga pants? I'm getting sweaty. Another lunge? Okay, okay. What do you mean again? You want us to do it again?! What kind of a sick joke is this? I hate this. Why do I keep falling over? I'm so sweaty...this is getting gross...this teacher is a psycho bitch. Oh, the teacher is saying something to me. She says I can stay in Child's Pose. Ah, this is good...this is very, very good. Yes, now this is yoga. Hum, so let's see…after yoga I will call the girls over for our happy hour...need to go out and buy that new dress that I saw...I think the SUV is getting too small for me...I have to get my hair cut...I sure liked looking at that Stud Muffin in EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine. Damn, is my lip-gloss rubbing off? I have to get to that GreatTranscendentalYoga store…I wonder if I’m getting smelly from all this sweating…I definitely need a drink…a piña colada would be good…no,no, wait…maybe some wine would be better…
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