Yoga Students
The Poser
The Poser is often confused with the Spoiler, as they also have a top-of-the-line yoga mat, name brand spandex yoga shorts with matching tee-shirt, and Om symbol gold necklace purchased from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore. The Poser also strategically sets up in front of the teacher, taking great care to ceremonially unroll his mat and align it just perfectly. Next he carefully places a yoga non-slip towel on top of his mat and goes through the motions of smoothing out every wrinkle and bump. Lastly, the Poser takes a hand towel, also embroidered with an Om symbol, ordered from the back of EternallyBlissfulYoga SuperMagazine and places it at the head of the mat in perfect alignment.
The fun begins once the class starts. Predictably, the Poser starts huffing and puffing within the first three minutes. He stops to sop the sweat off his brow as everyone else is doing poses. Within the next five minutes, he begins to slow down, as clearly the class is too advanced for him even though it is a beginner class. After fifteen minutes, he starts to slip and slide from the sweat that is dripping onto his mat and possibly falls over. Twenty minutes into the class, the Poser is spent. He spends the rest of the time mostly in resting poses. He doesn’t hear the snickering from other students as he begins to groan and moan through the class. He then sneaks out while everyone else is in final resting pose. The Poser will never been seen in the same studio once he has been found out to be a yoga Poser, but he will be glad about his top-of-the-line yoga clothes and matching colored mat.
Inner Dialog:Cool, I'm in front of the teacher, and everyone is checking out my cool, new, top-of-the-line yoga clothes and matching colored mat from the GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore. Okay, here we go...wee! Look at me doing this stuff...up I go, down I go. Whoa, everyone is looking at me. I am good. This is so much damn fun. What?...what the f@&$ is this?! What is the teacher doing? I don't know that pose. I thought this was a beginner class. This is bullshit! Now what is the teacher doing? I can't do that! Damn, everyone is looking at me. Oh no, I have to go into Child's Pose. Now they’re going to know I'm a poser. This sucks...I'm so depressed...I need my Prozac...I’ve got to sneak out of here...
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Yoga Students
