EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine Yoga News Feed
All the Yoga related news that gives Yogis the fits.
Press Release - Movie Box Office Success - The One True Yoga
Helped by legions of Yogis, YogaDawg's Yoga action movie, "The One True Yoga" rose to top the weekend's domestic box office among plenty of competition. The picture took in $18.9 million in 3,465 engagements for a per-screen average of $7,747.
New California Yoga Ad CampaignWise Choices
For Yoga Industrial Marketing and Merchandising Complex
With the slogan, “We’re nuts!”, the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars (YARCYS) has launched an integrated marketing campaign called ‘Real California Yoga Nuts’. The campaign came about as it had become obvious that increasing numbers of Yoga Stars are being recognized in places other than California. This has resulted in reduced revenues for these California Yoga Stars, as increasing numbers of Yoga videos, merchandise, workshops and conferences are being produced outside the state. This campaign has brought together California Yoga Stars in a temporary truce in their on-going quest for Yoga fame and ultimate supremacy.
With the mass-market Yoga advertising bombardment of consumers, most people now accept that Yoga is a natural and healthy form of exercise. However, YARCYS feels that consumers need to be reminded of Real California Yoga or as spokesyogini Ana Forrest (famous American Yoga Star) put it, “...us California Yoga Nuts. We have a long tradition of Yoga here in California and we want to make sure the rest of the country and world does not forget this”.
Another member of YARCYS, Shiva Rae (another famous American Yoga Star), explained the need for the California Yoga ad campaign, “Well, you know we were trying to outshine each other in our California Yogahood but seem to have lost sight that others outside the state were becoming famous and all that. I think it hurt all of us when we learned that they actually have Yoga studios in places like Iowa and Oklahoma”! The governors of those two states when asked for comments both replied along the lines of, “Nuts indeed…”!
UFOs Abduct Iyengar – New Yoga Tabloid Debuts
Excited shoppers are grabbing copies of the newest tabloid newspaper to hit supermarket checkout stands. What surprised most market analysts, is how successful this paper appears to be in the crowded tabloid market. When asked about the apparent success of the tabloid, the publisher and editor Guru YogaDawg explained, “Well, with only about 127 women left in the country not doing Yoga, how could this paper not be a success? Everyone has wanted an alternative to the stodgy magazine, Yoga Journal. Now that they have it and they can’t get enough of it!”
World Yoga News features articles from around the Yoga world and even outer space which no other media will touch or report on. In-depth Yoga reporting covers such stories as:
Autopsied Alien Discovered in Love Triangle with Rodney Yee and Colleen Saidman
Patabbhi Jois takes up Pilates
Elvis seen with Buddha at Los Vegas Nightclub
Shiva Rea Lost in Space during Dance Trance Workshop
Dalie Lama Quits. Becomes a Ski Bum in Aspen
National Enquirer has countered this threat to its tabloid empire by added an all new Yoga celebrity section.
Praise for World Yoga News
George Bush – At last a newspaper that doesn’t make me feel stupid and doesn’t trash any of my policies.
Dick Chaney – Shut up George and stop saying stupid shit!
Rodney Yee – Do you think that love triangle will hurt my video sales?
Colleen Saidman - Shut up Rodney and get into Childs pose.
Harry Potter – YogaDawg makes Yoga more fun then Quidditch.
JK Rowling – Shut up Harry. I knew I should have killed your ass off in the last book...
Baron Baptiste, famed American Yoga Star, announced a new asana today that he calls the Super Fly. This asana allegedly allows the Yoga practitioner to fly around the Yoga studio.
Sources close to Mr. Baptiste explained that this new pose was in reaction to the pose called the Bumblebee discovered by Guru YogaDawg on a banana leaf found in the basement of the Baltimore Public Library and included in his SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy Series (See Yoga Lifts Off - January 2007). The pose has enabled some Yogis to lift off their Yoga mats during Yoga classes.
Mr. Baptiste remarked “That Bumblebee pose ain’t nothing. Not only will the Super Fly have the Yogi flying around the studio, but the advanced position will have them walking on the ceiling”.
It is rumored that there is a buzzing sound that the Yogi makes at the back of the throat while practicing the pose.
Iyengar to Buy Ashtanga for $16.5B
In a move that is hoped to finally bring peace and healing to the fractured Yoga world, Iyengar Yoga has agreed to buy Ashtanga Yoga in a $16.5 billion deal that will create the world's largest Yoga School. This historic merging of the two styles will close the schism that was created many decades ago when the founders drifted in separate directions. Though both claimed to be doing the “True Yoga” (both have been taught by the same Yoga master), it had led to much strife, name calling, back stabbing, grand standing and show boating among the teachers and students of each style.
The new Yoga School, which will be called Iyentanga (trading symbol IYGA), will be the world's largest Yoga School with $16.6 trillion in assets mainly from Yoga props. BKS Iyengar, founder and chief executive of Iyengar Yoga, will serve as executive chairman of Iyentanga, with overall responsibility for the integration of the two Yoga Schools. Annette Bening was given the nod to serve as chief executive officer of the new combined School. Mr. Iyengar acknowledged her brilliant interview of him at the San Francisco Yoga conference last year. Geeta Iyengar will be in charge of getting the Ashtangis to stop their loud Ujjayi breathing during class and quit all that jumping around from pose to pose that they are known for.
When asked if Iyengar was going to acquire any other Yoga Schools, Mr. Iyengar mentioned that both the Jivamukti and Anusara schools looked tempting.
In the meantime, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, head of the Ashtanga School of Yoga, when asked about his current plans, said “ Sharath and I are going to relax on the beach at Goa and watch the babes for awhile. We are kind of tired from all those jump throughs and jump backs after all these years”. It has been reported that Mr. Jois is contemplating his next venture. “We are looking at Pilates very closely”.
I love your site....very funny!!....You are the Joel Mchale/Soup of Yoga - Kimberly Fowler - YAS
I had a good graze through your web site and, apart from feeling jealous that I hadn't written some of it, enjoyed it immensely. - Edward Clark
The snarky lovechild of "Yoga Journal" and "The Onion." - NaYoPracMo
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