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EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine Yoga News Feed

All the Yoga related news that gives Yogis the fits.

 

Press Release - Movie Box Office Success - The One True Yoga

Betty Boopinski
For Yoga Entertainment Weekly

Helped by legions of Yogis, YogaDawg's Yoga action movie, "The One True Yoga" rose to top the weekend's domestic box office among plenty of competition. The picture took in $18.9 million in 3,465 engagements for a per-screen average of $7,747.

That was enough to edge out "Leatherheads" which opened at No. 2 with $16.1 million from 2,678 playdates. "The One True Yoga" dug into "Leatherheads" shimmer as both pictures aimed to draw primarily male audiences. But "The One True Yoga" won the weekend by also bringing in an amazing amount of Yoginis (female practitioners of Yoga) as word of mouth about this Yoga movie made its way through Yoga studios around the world with the word that YogaDawg, himself, would be appearing in the film.

"We see this as the blog conversation or water-cooler conversation of the week," said YogaDawg distribution head Carlson Venuten of the picture's crossover appeal. "This film is so creative, so fresh and different. There's so much competition that in this marketplace you have to delineate yourself".

Starring Ana Forrest as the Temptress, BKS Iyengar as the King, Ana Brett as the Exotic Virgin, Bikrum Choudary as the Court Jester (Rodney Yee was the original choice for Court Jester but it was decided that he would have trouble transitioning between the small screen of Yoga videos to the big screen) and YogaDawg himself as the Wandering Student Yogi; this film chronicles the journey of a new student of Yoga through the wily world of Yoga Schools and studios. Fighting hypocrisy and rampant commercialism of the Yoga world, YogaDawg fights pitched battles with the founders of Yoga schools, Yoga Zealots and 200 hour teacher trained Yoga Teachers. YogaDawg eventually triumphs in the discovery of the One True Yoga as he ascends the highest peak of the Himalayas and throws down the tablets of the false Yogas.

Riveting... Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

Original and Pithy... Bill O'Riley

Makes me want to do Yoga... President George W. Bush

The character of the King was really funny... Geeta Iyengar

I want to be a Yoga Movie Star!!! Rodney Yee

Shut up Rodney and go into Child's pose...Colleen Saidman

New California Yoga Ad Campaign

Wise Choices
For Yoga Industrial Marketing and Merchandising Complex

With the slogan, “We’re nuts!”, the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars (YARCYS) has launched an integrated marketing campaign called ‘Real California Yoga Nuts’. The campaign came about as it had become obvious that increasing numbers of Yoga Stars are being recognized in places other than California. This has resulted in reduced revenues for these California Yoga Stars, as increasing numbers of Yoga videos, merchandise, workshops and conferences are being produced outside the state. This campaign has brought together California Yoga Stars in a temporary truce in their on-going quest for Yoga fame and ultimate supremacy.

With the mass-market Yoga advertising bombardment of consumers, most people now accept that Yoga is a natural and healthy form of exercise. However, YARCYS feels that consumers need to be reminded of Real California Yoga or as spokesyogini Ana Forrest (famous American Yoga Star) put it, “...us California Yoga Nuts. We have a long tradition of Yoga here in California and we want to make sure the rest of the country and world does not forget this”.

Another member of YARCYS, Shiva Rae (another famous American Yoga Star), explained the need for the California Yoga ad campaign, “Well, you know we were trying to outshine each other in our California Yogahood but seem to have lost sight that others outside the state were becoming famous and all that. I think it hurt all of us when we learned that they actually have Yoga studios in places like Iowa and Oklahoma”! The governors of those two states when asked for comments both replied along the lines of, “Nuts indeed…”!


New logo for the Yoga Alliance of Real California Yoga Stars

 

UFOs Abduct Iyengar – New Yoga Tabloid Debuts

Excited shoppers are grabbing copies of the newest tabloid newspaper to hit supermarket checkout stands. What surprised most market analysts, is how successful this paper appears to be in the crowded tabloid market. When asked about the apparent success of the tabloid, the publisher and editor Guru YogaDawg explained, “Well, with only about 127 women left in the country not doing Yoga, how could this paper not be a success? Everyone has wanted an alternative to the stodgy magazine, Yoga Journal. Now that they have it and they can’t get enough of it!”

World Yoga News features articles from around the Yoga world and even outer space which no other media will touch or report on. In-depth Yoga reporting covers such stories as:

Autopsied Alien Discovered in Love Triangle with Rodney Yee and Colleen Saidman

Patabbhi Jois takes up Pilates

Seane cuts her Hair

Elvis seen with Buddha at Los Vegas Nightclub

Shiva Rea Lost in Space during Dance Trance Workshop

Baron removes his Bandana

Dalie Lama Quits. Becomes a Ski Bum in Aspen

National Enquirer has countered this threat to its tabloid empire by added an all new Yoga celebrity section.

Praise for World Yoga News

George Bush – At last a newspaper that doesn’t make me feel stupid and doesn’t trash any of my policies.

Dick Chaney – Shut up George and stop saying stupid shit!

Rodney Yee – Do you think that love triangle will hurt my video sales?

Colleen Saidman - Shut up Rodney and get into Childs pose.

Harry Potter – YogaDawg makes Yoga more fun then Quidditch.

JK Rowling – Shut up Harry. I knew I should have killed your ass off in the last book...

 

 

Baron Flies

Jona Macivelli
For Yoga Flight News

Baron Baptiste, famed American Yoga Star, announced a new asana today that he calls the Super Fly. This asana allegedly allows the Yoga practitioner to fly around the Yoga studio.

Sources close to Mr. Baptiste explained that this new pose was in reaction to the pose called the Bumblebee discovered by Guru YogaDawg on a banana leaf found in the basement of the Baltimore Public Library and included in his SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy Series (See Yoga Lifts Off - January 2007). The pose has enabled some Yogis to lift off their Yoga mats during Yoga classes.

Mr. Baptiste remarked “That Bumblebee pose ain’t nothing. Not only will the Super Fly have the Yogi flying around the studio, but the advanced position will have them walking on the ceiling”.

It is rumored that there is a buzzing sound that the Yogi makes at the back of the throat while practicing the pose.


Baron Baptiste flying over Singapore

 

Iyengar to Buy Ashtanga for $16.5B

Mark Jones
For Yoga Economic News

In a move that is hoped to finally bring peace and healing to the fractured Yoga world, Iyengar Yoga has agreed to buy Ashtanga Yoga in a $16.5 billion deal that will create the world's largest Yoga School. This historic merging of the two styles will close the schism that was created many decades ago when the founders drifted in separate directions. Though both claimed to be doing the “True Yoga” (both have been taught by the same Yoga master), it had led to much strife, name calling, back stabbing, grand standing and show boating among the teachers and students of each style.

The new Yoga School, which will be called Iyentanga (trading symbol IYGA), will be the world's largest Yoga School with $16.6 trillion in assets mainly from Yoga props. BKS Iyengar, founder and chief executive of Iyengar Yoga, will serve as executive chairman of Iyentanga, with overall responsibility for the integration of the two Yoga Schools. Annette Bening was given the nod to serve as chief executive officer of the new combined School. Mr. Iyengar acknowledged her brilliant interview of him at the San Francisco Yoga conference last year. Geeta Iyengar will be in charge of getting the Ashtangis to stop their loud Ujjayi breathing during class and quit all that jumping around from pose to pose that they are known for.

When asked if Iyengar was going to acquire any other Yoga Schools, Mr. Iyengar mentioned that both the Jivamukti and Anusara schools looked tempting.

In the meantime, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, head of the Ashtanga School of Yoga, when asked about his current plans, said “ Sharath and I are going to relax on the beach at Goa and watch the babes for awhile. We are kind of tired from all those jump throughs and jump backs after all these years”. It has been reported that Mr. Jois is contemplating his next venture. “We are looking at Pilates very closely”.

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