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All the Yoga related news that gives Yogis the fits.

 

Chi to Chai – Buddha Cries

Nothair Not-There
For Yoga Siddhi Today

A small Yoga studio in Seattle was shaken when on June16, a Yoga teacher at the studio discovered that a bronze Buddha statue looked as if it had been crying. The statue, bought from Pier 1 Imports and placed on a window sill of the Yoga studio, sheds drops of moisture from its eyes that puddles in a pool of liquid at the base of the statue.

“At first, I thought there was a hole in the roof and rain was dripping on the statue”, explained Jenny Satcrest, “but the more I looked, the more it appeared like the Buddha was truly crying. What’s really crazy about this is that it only happens during Yoga classes!” Confirmed by several Yoga students at the studio, the statue “cries” faster or slower depending on what postures the class is doing. “The harder the pose, the more it seems to weep and it stops completely when either we sit in silence or are in Corpse pose”, explained Ms. Satcreat “I’ve experimented with that statue and can really get it weeping if I announce to the class that we are going to do partner poses or do some chanting. Then I notice that there is a torrent of tears coming from the statue. It’s almost as if the statue has taken on a personality of likes and dislikes of certain poses and wonder if it is channeling the chi of my students”.

This story gets even stranger as to the explanation of what the tears are made of. Ms. Satcreat swears it is the sweetened green chai that’s sold in Starbucks. When asked how she came to conclude that the tears were composed of this, she said, “Well, after mopping up time after time, I finally had the nerve to dip my finger in the liquid, smell and taste it. It blew my mind what it turned out to be”! When asked how she could be so sure that it is green chai, Ms. Satcreat said she stops by the local Starbucks everyday for her green tea fix and said she can identify the taste anywhere.

Others aren’t so taken with the crying Buddha though. When a rival Yoga studio was asked about this, the owner replied, “Well, I won’t be impressed until that Buddha starts dispensing Frozen Orange Crème, Triple Shot Espresso, soy blended Frappuccinos with whipped cream on the top”.

Meanwhile, Starbucks is losing no time with a new marketing campaign incorporating Buddha with the slogans, “Forget non-attachment. I want my Starbuck Chai!” and “What would Buddha drink?”


Buddha crying chai.


Tears of chai on Buddha


New marketing campaign by Starbucks for its branded cans of green chai.

 

Innovative New Magazine Launch - Men's Yoga Magazine

Freddie Hobert
For Yoga Magazine Institute

Men will be able to get a fresh perspective on the Yoga world around them this month thanks to the nationwide launch of YQ, an exciting new magazine which aims to bring the male perspective to Yoga.

Covering everything from Yoga fashion to Yoga flirting, Yoga music to Yoga studios with its own unique stance, this picture-led publication will transform the way men think about Yoga. Articles in the premiere issue include:

No more Lavender Yoga Mats

Defeminizing the Yoga Studio

Yoga Ain't Gay by Earl of San Antonio

Spotlight on Yoga - YoGun Yoga Studios

Most exciting of all is the Yoga Babe of the Month centerfold which will be of great inspiration for aspiring male Yogis and is sure to keep the male Yoga student motivated. The Yoga Babe of the Month for the premier issue will be Rainbeau Mars. YQ is the first publication of its kind to compete in the Yoga male magazine sector, a particularly challenging market.

It will be edited by YogaDawg who commented, "At last there is an alternative to that fem Yoga rag, Yoga Journal. Now men won't have to request a plain brown wrapper when buying their Yoga magazine through the mail or at a Yoga studio. We are getting lots of positive feedback from both male Yoga students and male Yoga Stars on the magazine."

 

New Environmental Concern: Yoga Mats

Fred Germani
For The Yoga Mat Association News
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An estimated 240 million Yoga mats are discarded each year, adding to the estimated two to three billion now littering the landscape. Yoga mats are ideal breeding grounds for rats and mosquitoes and are fire hazards (burning, they release toxic chemicals into the air and produce an oil-like residue that can contaminate groundwater).

Environmental Concerns. The Yoga mat industry's environmental efforts have focused primarily on the reuse, recycling, and safe disposal of scrap mats. Reuse programs include retreading as well as newer anti-erosion programs. Recycled mats can also been used in asphalt-based road coverings, shoes, household items, and even new mats. But in spite of all these programs, hundreds of millions of mat discards went to landfills since the beginning of the Yoga boom in the early 2000.

Ms. Sally Hartgield, Press Secretary for the Yoga Mat Association, summed it up this way, "What a mess"!


Yoga mats destined for the landfill

 

Rodney Yee Introduces the Rodney Tofu Burger

John Applegate
For New Yoga Products Newsletter

Rodney Yee, Yoga video star, announced the introduction of his Rodney Burger at the San Francisco Yoga Conference today. “After making my 754th Yoga video, it became clear that I have oversaturated the Yoga video market. Sales have been dropping so I needed a new revenue stream”, he said. The Rodney Tofu Burger will have a likeness of Mr. Yee on each patty. “We are going to introduce Colleen’s (Colleen Saidman, semi-famous Yoga star) face next, but we wanted to start with me because I’m more famous. We think we can sell more burgers this way”, he explained.

Mr. Yee was asked how he came up with the idea of the Rodney Burger. “Well, actually it was Colleen’s idea. While she was cooking me a tofu burger, she said, “Rodney, this is weird, but this tofu burger looks like your face”. I looked and agreed. It was like a brain storm. We both looked at each other and said, the Rodney burger”!

Mr. Yee originally wanted to have the patties shaped in the form of Yoga asanas, but he thought that would cut further into his Yoga video empire. He was concerned that Yogis would start using the tofu burgers to learn Yoga instead of his videos.


The new Rodney Tofu Burger. Available at the GreatTranscendentalYoga SuperStore

 

Baron Revels His Head

Sandi O'Day

For Yoga Celebrity Magazine

Baron Baptiste, famed American Yoga Star, has apparently taken his bandana off in public before two Yoga students.

Sally Rogers and Beth Sandez were the two students present when Baron momentarily removed his bandana for a few seconds. "It was awesome", Ms Rogers exclaimed. Though the reason for the removal is unknown, Ms. Sandez offered a guess, "We think his head was itching severely and he needed to scratch it". Beth noted that this event had not occurred during the workshop that Mr. Baptiste was teaching that day, but rather in a hallway staircase in an out of the way area of the conference center. "Yea, we were like coming down the stairs and there he was with his bandana off and scratching his head. He must have heard us because he put his bandana back on real quick like", they explained.

When asked what Baron's head looked like under the bandana, both students were at a lose to discribe it, "I mean, we were so blown away that he didn't have a bandana on, that we really never got a good look. But it did seem to have some distinctive markings on it", they replied. Ms. Rogers went on to add, "This is like seeing Elvis. I know no will believe us, but we will always remember seeing Baron without his bandana".

Mr. Baptiste claims he never took off his bandana. "Those two weren't even Yoginis. They were just a couple of cranked up, crack whores. You know the type those Yoga conferences attract", he said.

 

Yoga Studios Surpass Starbuck Outlets

Star Shanka
For The Times of Yoga

In an amazing testimony to the popularity of Yoga in the last few years, the Clearinghouse for Yoga Business (CYB) has confirmed that there are now more Yoga studios then Starbuck outlets.

What started as a whim by some hippies standing on their heads as they tried to follow the Yoga teaching of the great Masters of India, has now turned into an American craze that has surprised even the most vocal of Yoga advocates. "I knew Yoga was popular, but I had no idea just how so!" remarked Sundas Kuwasana of the US Yoga Advocacy. "Even we were caught off-guard by this report", he added.

Jim Donald, Starbucks president and chief executive officer, confirmed the findings of CYB but appeared undaunted as he joked to this reporter, "Yes, we were asleep at the switch. Too much decaf I suppose.", Mr. Donald commented. He added, though on a more serious note, "We are currently in talks with the NivanaPranaWorldYoga SuperStudios to place Starbuck cafes in all 2,369 of their studios. This should keep us ahead of the Yoga trend".

Sources close to Starbucks confirmed that the slogan for this new strategic partnership will be "Kick your relaxation to the next level".

 

Om Copyright Attempt

Intel Insider
For Yoga Law Review

The Yoga world stands stunned today as Stanley Zambowski of Pittsburgh, Pa has made a move to copyright and trademark the word OM.

Inspired by Bikram Choudhury's successful copyright of 26 poses of Yoga, Mr. Zambowski hired his cousin Walenty Zambowski, a lawyer, who set loose a flurry of cease-and-desist letters warning yoga studios around the world not to use the word OM, the symbol Om nor even chant OM. "This is a cold and quiet day for all Yoga studios", lamented Rod Entriteramen of the NirvanaPranaOneWorldYoga Studios. "We actually had a few students break down crying because we had removed the OM symbols from the walls of the studio and sat silently before and after class since we couldn't chant OM and didn't know what else to do".

In the meantime, a nonprofit organization of yoga scholars based in India, in response, has put an additional 1,000 historians and scientists to continue to work cataloging all known Sanskrit words to block Mr. Zambowski from cornering the market on any other Yoga related word.

When questioned by reporters if he could possibly think he would be able to copyright the word OM, Zambowski (in the manner of Bikram Choudhury) grabs his crotch, lets out a loud belch and thrusts wildly while screaming, "I am a Polish Bull! Boom! Boom!" Mr. Zambowski refused further comment.

Editor's Note: Mr. Stanley Zambowski is the owner of the famous Stan's Polish Sausage Hut and the Hot Polish Sausage Yoga Studio on Forbes Aveune; both popular hangouts for students from the University of Pittsburgh.

 

 

Early Sticky Mat Discovered

Anil Gupta
For EternallyBlissfulYoga Super Magazine

An amateur Yoga Archeologist has found, what appears to be an early Yoga sticky mat, in the Indian state of Arunachal Pradesh, bordering China .

The strikingly colored Yoga mat was identified by Ramana Athreyamana as he was hiking through a remote forest in the northeast part of the country. "Quite frankly, I was lost", said Atreyamana, age 54. "I was wandering around in circles, when at some point, I looked down and there it was! The floods in the regions must have washed it from a cave", he exclaimed.

When asked just how old this sticky mat was, Mr. Athreyamana, put an age of at least 3,000 years old. "We're talking Patanjali here, people ", he excitedly added.

Measuring a mere 17 by 39 inches, Athreyamana was asked if that was bit small for a Yoga mat. He replied, "You have to remember that people were smaller back then".

Is this truly a Yoga sticky mat?

"With today's modern technology, we gathered all the information we needed to confirm it as a Yoga sticky mat," Athreyamana said. "We took samples of the core and analyzed the surface. This is definitely an early Yoga mat."

Athreyamana says detailed comparisons of modern sticky mats and this one reveled key similarities. For example, this surface of this newly discovered mat has a surface covered in pine resin and pitch, giving it a tacky grip. This has been spread over a base that appears to be of animal hide.

When ask if this was truly an early Yoga sticky mat, Mr. Athreyamana smiled, "Look here, do you see the hand and foot prints on the surface. See those chest hairs and scraps of clothes embedded in the surface? This was obviously an early model as it seems that the Yogi had not quite figured out the tackiness required in a Yoga mat. It must have been a bit of a painful experience for the Yogi using this mat".

The findings will be published in the next issue of the journal Yoga Mats.

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