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Yoga Mats

The yoga mat is your most valuable piece of yoga gear, so as a yoga student, you must select your purchase wisely. The yoga mat will be your yoga home away from home and even in your home. You might be tempted to use a mat provided by the studio, but YogaDawg advises against this, as they are very nasty things and tend to be very smelly and disgusting. Studio mats should be lining dog kennels instead of being used for practice. If you insist on using these because you don't believe anything written in My Third Eye Itches: A Yoga Guide, or because you are too cheap, be prepared to develop funky skin rashes, warts, boils, and lesions on your feet, hands, and face.

With yoga mats available everywhere from trendy coffee shops to upscale bars and saloons, as well as in gas stations and even from those guys selling umbrellas and fake watches on the street corner, your options can be overwhelming. YogaDawg will now describe the mats currently available from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore to make your mat-buying experience easy and pleasant. These yoga mats are all branded with the cool GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore logo, which will instantly establish your credibility as a serious yogi in any studio worldwide.


Standard Yoga Mat

Our bottom-line mat is made from recycled PVC pipes, plastic shopping bags, and flotsam and jetsam washed up on the beaches of New Jersey. They are made by imprisoned political dissidents from labor camps in China as well as select sweatshops in Central America and Brooklyn. The Standard Yoga Mat comes in one color only—brown (or slight variation depending on the color of the debris it is made from). Though slightly smelly with a tendency to disintegrate and leave mat droppings on the studio floor after each use, this purchase will make you feel like a real yogi, as you now own your very own yoga mat.

Note: Some have reported vile reactions in people who may be sensitive to industrial wastes, carbonvynalflouride, and/or chemical and biological hazards.


Extra Thick Standard Yoga Mat

Same as above, only thicker.


Fair Trade Utopian Yoga SuperMat

Same style as the Standard Yoga Mat, but uses recycled materials deemed safe for humans and animals. These mats are made by skilled mat craftspeople in undisclosed Third World countries. The GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore pays these craftspeople a living wage (currently set at $1.27 a day), so you will feel comforted and be happy to pay twice what you would for the Standard Yoga Mat. Remember, you are providing employment opportunities to these craftspeople and the employees at the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore. "One world, one yoga!"


EnviroYoga SuperMat

This eco-friendly (100% biodegradable and recyclable) and health-friendly (latex-, PVC- and chloride-free) yoga mat will bring out the "green" in your yoga practice. This mat biodegrades in the yoga studio after several uses. This is a nice feature, as your EnviroYoga SuperMat will eventually disappear during one of your class sessions—no need to lug it back home or to the dump.


Natural HempYoga SuperMat

Hand-woven in Amsterdam from extra-potent cannabis plants, this mat offers a calming effect even during your most vigorous yoga workout. The surface is impregnated with fine hashish oils, conveniently available for a quick lick during your yoga practice. The Natural HempYoga SuperMat can be completely recycled by either smoking it or chopping it up to put in brownies. Comes in three calming colors: Purple Haze, Mellow Yellow, and Strawberry Fields.


Fair Trade Utopia Rubber Yoga SuperMat

Made from recycled car tires, this durable mat is impervious to sweat, environmentally unfriendly secretions, and general industrial wastes. You can feel good about purchasing this mat, confident in the knowledge that you have helped recycle those tires that were sitting in your local landfill.


Natural Dried Grass Yoga SuperMat

Made from grass clippings from the lawns of America, these mats are compressed under pressure. The Natural Dried Grass Yoga SuperMat does not have the normal artificial sticky support found in other mats, but rather a more natural grip afforded by small sticks and pebbles embedded in the surface.

Note: Don't use if you are sensitive to herbicides, pesticides, or doggy-doo that is typically found in abundance on most American lawns


It Ain’t Lavender Men’s Yoga Mat

Designed by Earl of San Antonio, this mat was crafted with the male yogi in mind. With a sawdust surface and the smell of dirty gym socks, this mat will make practicing yoga a true pleasure for the male practitioner. Most exciting of all, it comes in real men's colors. No need to be embarrassed by those fem pastel color mats any longer. Colors include:

Moldy Mayo

Month-Old Sheets

Piss n Vinegar

Bathtub Ring

Pistolwhipped Peacock

Strip Club Floor

Greasy T-Shirt


MyPodSouthParkTripleLatte SuperMat

Just in for the holidays and perfect for the Gen-Y and Gen-X yoga student, this mat comes complete with electronic keychain-type bulk class pass, iPod holder, and wireless Internet connection along with a complimentary gift certificate for the coffee shop of your choice. Included is the world-famous instructional yoga DVD, You might as well do yoga since you will never find a job while still living in your parents’ basement.


German Engineered MarvelYoga SuperMat

Heavy black mat from Germany engineered for the most demanding yoga class. Made from newly developed and patented TYP (Thermal Yogic Plastic) foam, it includes a handy water bottle holder, fold out towel rack, and patented self-cleaning system that sanitizes and freshens the mat after each use. This mat has its own travel mat case, complete with telescoping handle and wheels for easy transporting from SUV to studio.



Original Yoga Mat


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