EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine Yoga News Feed
All the Yoga related news that gives Yogis the fits.
Paris Does YogaDawg, Again
Paris Hilton, celebratant extraordinaire, was photographed by the paparazzi accompanying a long-haired, shaggy-bearded, dog-faced,’ Yogi’ to the Bodhi Tree bookstore in LA. With cameras clicking away, Hilton and her dogged sage conspicuously perused such weighty spiritual tomes such as “My Third Eye Itches” and “Who is YogaDawg" while buying multiple copies of her new CD, Dr. Psycho Lonely Rehab Kirtan Band.
On the way out, the transcended starlet stopped in front of a young woman seated a couple tables over and presented her with a statue that looked like a dog meditating as well as the CD by the YogaDawgs. "Arf-arf," the new spiritual philanthropist yipped at the perplexed customer, adding for good measure, "bow-wow." The flowing-robed Canis Familiaris yogi added, "Woof".
Curiosity, though of course, is who is the bearded, canine looking guru? Bets are toward a character named Guru YogaDawg who operates a website and sells yoga t-shirts over the site in the dog-eat-dog world of Yoga while living a dog’s-life in a skid row flophouse in downtown Portland, Oregon. The elusive and controversial YogaDawg has rarely been photographed and few, dog or otherwise, have actually seen him. Though shunned by famous Yoga Stars (who blame YogaDawg for lightening up the practice of Yoga and making people laugh in Yoga classes), a number of Hollywood and music stars, nonetheless, have apparently taken him as their guru. Britney Spears, Paris Hilton along with Tom Cruise have all had contact with him in the past, so the speculation is that this might be the real YogaDawg.
Photos of Paris Hilton with the elusive Guru YogaDawg
Britney Does YogaDawg
In a case of life imitating art, it was reveled today that the reason Britney Spears shaved her head was due to a story that was found on a Yoga humor blog. Leaked by a member of her therapy group in her current configuation of rehab, it was reveled that Britney was actively surfing the YogaDawg blog when she can across a satire piece regarding the American Yoga Star, Seane Corn (see Seane Cuts Her Hair – December 2006).
It appears that Britney’s increasingly tenuous grip on reality made her believe that the news article was real and decided to emulate Ms. Corn (who shaved her head in the article). Leading Psychologist, Dr. Free Freeman, commented, “We see this blurring of the lines between madness and sanity in many famous American movie stars, sport stars and Yoga stars”. Ms. Lu Chu, Britney’s publicist commented, “I know she had been surfing that site for many hours on end, but I didn’t realize she was taking it all so serious. She was mumbling something about becoming a Yogi, but I didn’t think much of it. You know how Britney is”.
Seane Corn had no comments when contacted about this story but Tom Cruise asked, “So how come YogaDawg won’t let me buy one of his t-shirts (see qualifications for purchasing YogaDawg Gear)? Britney's more nuts then me. What do I have to do? Shave MY head”?
It has been rumored that Britney has been wearing a YogaDawg t-shirt around in rehab since arriving there.
Tom Does YogaDawg
In what appears as a celebrity world going mad (or at least bald), Tom Cruise is the latest star to shave his head (see Britney Does YogaDawg). Appearing on the NBC's Today Show, Cruise explained why he shaved his head to Matt Lauer.
“I couldn’t understand why Britney was able to buy a YogaDawg t-shirt and yet I’m not able to. It occurred to me that this might be a Cosmic test for me and concluded that I had to shave my head”, Mr. Cruise explained. Matt Lauer said that the t-shirt he was wearing looks like a cheap knock-off and not a real YogaDawg t-shirt. Flummoxed, Cruise replied, “Of course, it real, do you know how much money I had to send the Dawg to get this. And just trying to understand those people at YogaDawg Productions in Nigeria was a nightmare. All I can say is, just thinking about this make me way to start jumping up and down”. Mr. Lauer was quick to reply, “Please don’t…”
Mr. Cruise was asked if shaving his head might hurt his chances of landing future movie deals. He replied, “No! As a matter of fact, I am in talks with the producer of the “The One True Yoga” (see The One True Yoga) to play in the sequel “The One True Yoga II” as the Court Jester”.
When the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation was contacted for this story, they at first were quite stunned that Tom Cruise had somehow gotten a hold of a YogaDawg t-shirt (see Qualifications for Purchasing YogaDawg Gear). MadDawg, the handsome husband of HotDawg (formally Born and Maiden America, the two disciples of YogaDawg) declared that the shirt Tom was wearing was in fact, fake. “We had NBC send us close-up of the shirt and saw that it is clearly a fake. We feel bad for Tom, but we still won’t sell him a t-shirt”, MadDawg said. HotDawg added, “But you know, he is kind of cute, especially with all that jumping up and down he does. He kind of looks like he’s doing Ashtanga Yoga sometimes. I think he can become a great Yogi if he ever decides to become a disciple of YogaDawg”!
Britney Does YogaDawg – Further Revelations
With the news last month that Britney Spears shaved her head because of a satirical news article on a Yoga humor blog, “My Third Eye Itches” (see Britney Does YogaDawg), there were further revelations today that Britney actually applied to become a disciple of Guru Sri Sri Baba Swami YogaDawg.
When reached for comment regarding this development, HotDawg, the lovely wife of MadDawg (formally Born and Maiden America) acknowledged that Britney was in contact with the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation. It appears that Britney sent a handwritten letter to YogaDawg requesting several YogaDawg t-shirts and explaining how she qualified (see Qualifications for buying YogaDawg Gear) to purchase them. In a PostScript to the letter, Britney wrote that she wanted to become a disciple of YogaDawg (Editors Note: MadDawg and HotDawg are currently the only two disciples).
As MadDawg explained, “We were kind of blown away that not only did she want to buy some YogaDawg t-shirts, but that she wanted to become a YogaDawg disciple”. “Yeah, like we had her name picked out and everything”, HotDawg added. When asked what that name was, they said, “CrazyDawg! We thought the name was perfect for Britney”.
In the meantime, this reporter contacted Tom Cruise by phone with these further revelations regarding Britney and his reply was at first a stunned silence. Then he started shouting, “I want a YogaDawg t-shirt!” which at the same time sounded like someone was jumping up and down on a bed on the other end of the line.
A letter from Britney to YogaDawg
Paris Does YogaDawg – A Jailhouse Conversion
In an apparent jailhouse conversion, Paris Hilton has been spotted doing Yoga in her cell while attempting to speak Sanskrit to the guards (the guards say it sounds more like chop suey).
This behavior can seemingly be traced to her visit to a Buddhist bookstore just before being incarcerated. As has been widely reported, Ms. Hilton had visited the Bodhi Tree Bookstore in Hollywood a week before going to prison. She had purchased several books, among which was the Yoga text book, “My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide” by the elusive and controversial Sri Sri Swami Baba Guru YogaDawg.
What was not known at the time, but which Yoga Entertainment Today has uncovered, is that Britney Spears has been in contact with Paris just prior to her visit to the store. It appears that Britney had suggested that Paris get the book “My Third Eye Itches – A Yogic Guide”. It was also suggested by Britney that Paris become a disciple of YogaDawg (see Britney Does YogaDawg - Further Revelations ).
It is not known if Ms. Hilton is pursuing this behavior with the hopes of getting out of prison sooner for good behavior or if she has truly mended her ways by following this most enlightened teacher of Yoga.
Editors Note: Paris Hilton was released from prison after only three days of incarceration. There are reports that a large number of the general population of the prison have begun doing Yoga and petitioned the institution for classes in speaking Sanskrit. The non-profit YogaDawg Foundation has reported an upsurge in membership applications from California.
When the sheriff was asked why she was released from prison, he said, "When I looked into her cell, she was all twisted up like a pretzel and speaking this crazy ass shit that I couldn't understand a word of. I thought she was having a catatonic fit. We are not prepared to treat something like that here in the prison".
Editors Update: In fast breaking news, Paris Hilton was sent back to jail Friday a day after her early release under house arrest triggered outrage that one of Hollywood's own was getting special treatment.
Hilton, who had spent little more than 72 hours behind bars, cried and wailed "YogaDawg, YogaDawg, YogaDawg " as Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer ordered her back to prison to serve out her 45-day sentence for driving on a suspended license.
At the hearing, the judge expressed irritation at the sheriff's department, saying he had never heard of YogaDawg nor received promised documents that were supposed to explain why Hilton was released due to this jailhouse conversion.
"I never received those documents. And just who is this YogaDawg?" Sauer was quoted as saying by the Los Angeles Times. There are now reports that a large number of the general population of the prison have STOPPED doing Yoga and learning Sanskrit.
YogaDawg Does LA
Financed by the non-profit YogaDawg Foundation and sponsored by adoring fans, disciples and assorted Yoga splinter groups, YogaDawg arrived in Los Angeles to deliver a series of lectures, workshops, classes and personal meeting with the leading members of the LA Yoga Industrial Complex (known as the “Industry”).
Promoting his SuperDuperBlissInducer Super Bok Choy ® method, YogaDawg wowed the Yogis in the City of Angels with his most efficient and amazing insights and approach to Yoga. Like a reigning pop star, YogaDawg arrived at LAX to the cheers of adoring fans and disciples with throngs of people lining the roads and highways as YogaDawg rode past on his way to Hollywood to met with members of the “Industry” to discuss the future of Yoga in America.
Packing lecture halls and yoga studios, YogaDawg demonstrated his method to all that would listen. Spending the night at the Paris Hilton in the West Hollywood Hills, YogaDawg held court with members of the press and the paparazzi, resulting in news articles in the major paper as they described the excitement of YogaDawg’s presence in the city.
Jenny “ShivaShaktiYogini-jini” Bennie described the excitement the best. Interviewing Jenny doing asanas next to her cardboard “squat” under a bridge on I-5 close to downtown LA (and home to other homeless Yogis), Jennie explained, “I thought that guy who spend the night with us was just another burned out, disillusioned Yoga wanna-be who had come to Hollywood with dreams of opening their own Yoga studio and becoming a Yoga Star. Who knew that he was the real deal? And shit, that guy was damn funny!”
Editors Note: In all seriousness, really and truly, not kidding, all joking aside, YogaDawg would like to thank Vanda Mikoloski, the Quantum Comedienne, for great laughs; Joni Yung, the Accidental Yogist for endless talks and Kimberly Fowler, the founder of YAS, for getting YogaDawg to do some real “California Dreaming”. Thanks for making a wayward Yogi feel at home and among friends in the Yoga capital of the world. These are the three coolest Yogis in LA…honest!
I love your site....very funny!!....You are the Joel Mchale/Soup of Yoga - Kimberly Fowler - YAS
I had a good graze through your web site and, apart from feeling jealous that I hadn't written some of it, enjoyed it immensely. - Edward Clark
The snarky lovechild of "Yoga Journal" and "The Onion." - NaYoPracMo
Bottom line, YogaDawg is genius. -
Love your site - funny!!! - David Newman (Durga Das)
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